"When you've got almost one hand on the cup and then it slips away from you, it's pretty shattering."
As the Kangaroos prepare to launch their 2024 AFLW campaign against Brisbane on Sunday, North Melbourne captain Emma Kearney is discussing December's Grand Final.
Despite losing midfielder Jenna Bruton to a ruptured Achilles in the game's opening minutes, the Roos had led Brisbane at every change. In the third term, Kate Shierlaw's hanger had restored their lead. Alice O'Loughlin's pincer tackle sent them into three-quarter time seven points up and high on confidence.
"We had all the momentum and we felt we had enough of a margin to be able to hold them up," Kearney says.
"But Brisbane are an exceptionally fit side and we were down one of our best contest-to-contest runners in Jenna.
"So we were stretched. For some of our mids and some of our high forwards, their workload was a lot higher than what was probably expected going into the game, and in that last quarter, we just couldn't stop the bleeding."
Brisbane's premiership-winning fourth quarter, led by barely-mobile spearhead Dakota Davidson, who kicked two goals on an injured knee, made for a deflating end to what had been a memorable Kangaroos season.
For Kearney and the team, the hollow feeling was twofold.
"We were all shattered to lose the Grand Final, and we were also disappointed because the season was over," she says.
"We love hanging out as a group, we enjoy training together. We're seeing each other all the time, and then all of a sudden the season was done."
That tight team bond has been evident for some time at Arden St, and it was particularly on display in North Melbourne's two finals wins.
For all their dominance over other teams, the Kangas entered the 2023 finals having been persistently unable to beat the competition's 'big three'. Overshadowing their seven wins in the home-and-away season had been a two-point loss to Brisbane and a three-point loss to Adelaide. In a 23-point loss to Melbourne, the Roos were held scoreless for 63 minutes.
Toppling the Demons and Crows in two hoodoo-eviscerating finals, then, not only answered the Roos' critics, but also rewired the team's own expectations.
To Kearney the turnaround was no surprise.
"We started to see a bit of growth in our group during last season, particularly the mental side of things, and being able to regather ourselves when things weren't going our way on the field," she says.
"And so leading into that finals campaign, we got tremendous confidence. Once we got a massive win over Melbourne, we knew going into (the preliminary final against) Adelaide that we could beat them.
"Confidence and belief is massive for our group - just knowing that we are a good side."
In the rooms after the Grand Final defeat, coach Darren Crocker did most of the talking. He spoke about the team's growth, and how they now had the belief to match it with the competition's best.
Afterwards, says Kearney, the players got down to business.
"We've been able to take that belief and that hunger… and then in the off-season, the girls just went to work.
"Maybe in the back of everyone's mind they want to be able to get there again on Grand Final day. But we know that it's no guarantee, and so the girls came back in tremendous condition.
"PBs (personal bests) across the board in both our strength testing and our fitness testing. And hopefully come the pointy end of the season, that's going to put us in a really good position."
The Kangaroos also brought in off-season reinforcements, adding depth that could prove important given the team's already-significant injury list.
Two-time premiership player Libby Birch, traded in from Melbourne, will bring aerial cover and experience in defence when she returns from her MCL injury.
Vikki Wall, who returns after missing last season to pursue an Olympic opportunity with Ireland, will provide an explosive new outlet for the Roos in attack.
Kearney can't wait to see the new arrivals in action (Birch will be "great in defence for us", she says. And of Wall: "We know the excitement she can bring").
But she's also excited about the next generation emerging to support established stars like Jasmine Garner, Ash Riddell and - though she omits her own name - Kearney herself.
"You always know what you're going to get from your stars in your team like Jammin (Garner) or Ash," Kearney says. "But it's been great to see the growth in our young players like Taylah Gatt, Ruby Tripodi and Tess Craven.
"Craven, for example, has really come into her own in this pre-season. Her confidence has developed.
"The most important thing when you play at the highest level, whatever sport you play, is that you feel like you belong at that level. I reckon if I had asked her, she wouldn't have thought that last year, but I reckon she's starting to feel that now."
Now 34, Kearney has played in all eight AFLW seasons to date. She played in the first ever AFLW premiership with the Western Bulldogs, and in North Melbourne's inaugural team when the Roos entered the comp in 2019. She is the only player to win All Australian selection in every season.
What keeps driving her? She remains passionate about seeing the competition evolve, and about leading the Kangaroos onwards into a fresh campaign - starting with Round 1's tasty Grand Final rematch.
"I get really excited by (AFLW evolving) because the competition is starting to feel more real," she says.
"In the early days it felt almost like it was a tournament - it was over really quickly. But now it feels real, and the connections that I've built with some of these girls are really strong.
"Round 1's always really exciting, and we've got no bigger task than playing Brisbane in Brisbane. It's going to be hot. We know they are a fast contested side, so it's a great challenge for our group to see where we're at.
"Then probably, for me, it's just about seeing the growth in development of our younger players that I've been able to see on the track in pre-season.
"Being able to see them do it in-season - that'll certainly put a smile on my face."
